A preview of President Donald Trump’s inaugural
speech
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been made available to a selected few people for their feedback only. It should
not be shared or posted publicly before the inaugural address is delivered in
January 2017. If you have received this classified document in error, you
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My fellow Americans, I
am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest
presidential inauguration address in the history of the world.
Four score and ten
years ago my father,
Frederick Christ Trump, in whose shadow I stand today, was
arrested while engaged in a New York riot while wearing a uniform of the KKK. My
father knew who should be on which side of the tracks. My father became a
momentous great beacon light of hope to the millions that he owed to banks when
he overstated his building costs and was investigated by a US Senate committee
in 1954 and found to have overcharged by $3.7 million. My father, Fred Christ
Trump, was the world’s greatest mentor. Without his inspiring mentorship I
could never have learned to make billions while paying no tax.
My fellow Americans,
I have a scheme.
I have a scheme that
will outlaw taxation, all taxation and every form of taxation, for those who
contribute the most to this great nation’s economic well-being by employing
workers and producing the nation’s electronics, air services, hotels, casinos,
and the contractors who will build and run the thousands of extra prisons that
will be needed in the future. Prison will be prison, an eye will be an eye, a
tooth will be a tooth, and the Clintons will be incarcerated for three life
sentences each.
I have a scheme.
Former Presidents
Obama and Lincoln will be removed from America’s official list of famous
leaders and sent to a hall of shame along with that Bible bashing Martin Luther
King, although I do acknowledge that he had a damned good speech writer. My fellow
Americans, the Negro now has too much freedom. Some of them even live in houses
and most are rapists, and I pledge to send them all back to China where they
came from.
I have a scheme.
In a sense I’ve come
to our great nation’s capital to cash your check. When the architects of our
republic wrote the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence they were
signing a promissory note made out to President Donald J Trump, and when the
note has been cashed I will run this nation like a business, like a Trump
business, and I will, by presidential decree, suspend the Constitution of the
United States of America. I will create a great new nation which shall be known
as the United States of Trump. On the advice of my esteemed friend Betty
Windsor, I pledge to create the Kingdom of Trump.
My fellow Americans,
I have a scheme.
The unalienable right
to life, liberty, justice and the pursuit of happiness will not apply to
Mexicans, Muslims, Negros, democrats, immigration agents, and political
agitators because they will be on the other side of the wall which they will
pay for. And pay they will. Any check that comes back marked “insufficient
funds” will lead to an immediate execution of the guilty one without right of
appeal. And they will build the wall, even if they have to build it using chips
from a bankrupt casino. They will build the wall, with the hard labor help of
the imprisoned Clintons, they will build the wall. It will be a greater wall
than the one in China.
I have a scheme.
From this day
forward, America will be raised from the dark and desolate valley of taxation
and accountability to the sunlit path of Trump supremacy and the outlawing of
business bankruptcy for evermore. Now is the time when the quicksands of
business bankruptcy will be replaced by a rock-solid business brotherhood.
Jesus was the second name on my father’s birth certificate. I am the son of
God. My disciples will be my cabinet.
Now as your ruler, I
am not unmindful that some of you have had great trials and tribulations during
the sweltering heat of the campaign, but now the Clintons will soon be locked
away and I won’t ever again be asked to make public my tax returns, and tranquillity
shall reign throughout the land.
Preacher King said we
cannot walk alone, but that was fifty years ago, when I was starting my first
business with my daddy’s millions. Now I can walk alone. The Republican Party
won’t walk with me, but who cares? I can walk on water if I have to. Even
though I have faced the most serious allegations during my life, I still have a
scheme. It is a scheme deeply rooted in the American scheme. Yes, I have a
scheme. It is the scheme that one day very soon all male, white Americans will
be born equally tax free. I have a scheme that the tenements of the New York
slums will be subjected to rent hikes to offset the losses of all the other
Trump enterprises, both failed and failing.
I have a scheme.
I have a scheme that
this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: We hold
these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal except aliens,
darkies and pussies. So let us not wallow in the valley of despair, my friends
. . .
As your President, I
have many presidential prerogatives to propagate and I must bring this great
inaugural address to a close. I will address you again in four years, and again
eight years, but meanwhile I have an important appointment with the Ellen
Degenerate Show. Thank you, my fellow Americans, and don’t forget I have a
scheme for everything.
