SANTA AT THE SOUTH POLE

Christmas 2066 will be a Christmas like no other

The Church of Climate Change (CCC) has been spreading this alarming warning for years. Every year since late last century they have been predicting that global warming will force many changes on the world if humanity is to survive.

Finally, it has happened. Santa has announced that as from 2066 he will no longer be able to operate from the North Pole due to the total melting of the ice cap that sat securely over the Arctic Ocean for thousands of years. Instead, Santa will relocate his charity to the South Pole where it will become a land based operation.

When asked about the future of his reindeers, the tubby old gentlemen chuckled for a moment before turning serious. “That could be a major problem,” he said. “If they can’t fly through the warm southern air, I may have to try penguin power. I understand penguins are more suited to the southern terrain than reindeer. We’ll just have to wait and see. Ho ho ho.”

Some observers have claimed Santa’s move to the South Pole is the most significant event in world history since William the Conqueror routed the English a thousand years ago, in 1066.

But the Church of Climate Change have claimed many of their other predictions have been accurate too. They say they warned the world that all motor vehicles had to scrapped by 2020, and all electricity had to be turned off by 2025, if humanity was to survive. 

Governments everywhere ignored all the warnings until it was too late, they say.

The United States, Russia and the European Union did not act until 2048, and only because someone discovered a 1948 first edition copy of George Orwell’s science-fiction novel 1984. The politicians suddenly sat up and took notice, but it was already too late. Economic chaos gripped the world leaving billions unemployed and starving.

It took a Trump to come up trumps with a brilliant idea to hide the bodies. US President Donald Trump Junior, son of the president who was impeached in 2017, devised a plan with the military to bury the bodies deep in space using solar-powered spacecraft. It is rumoured that when presidential candidate Chelsea Clinton heard of the program, she prepared to spill the beans in a major campaign announcement. Trump is believed to have silenced her with a seat on the first flight into space. She hasn’t been seen since 2049.

Meanwhile, due to climate policy the population of the world has been reduced to just under half a billion. For those with an income, a cave can be rented for US$10,000 a week and a wealthy Mongolian, who has a dozen caves for tenants, has just invented a thing he calls a wheel.

However, the state of the world and the reduced population must be a blessing for the aging Santa. He won’t need to work nearly as hard as in the old days.